id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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