we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
