I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
