Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
