just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
