She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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