My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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