My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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