how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
