Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
