If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize