your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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