She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize