you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
