Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
