we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He? As in you personified your dick?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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