i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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