i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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