He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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