my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
