I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
