He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
