oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
