I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
high people should be assigned attendants
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
