I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
