I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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