dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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