i think i have two assholes
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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