its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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