Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
