Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
