i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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