I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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