I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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