Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
