How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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