They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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