everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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