sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
