Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sext me about skeletons
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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