What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize