I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
