too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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