They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
