Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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