I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
