My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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