Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
