I didn't shave. On purpose
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
