Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
