If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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