So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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