Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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