dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
