I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize