we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Enjoy the penises
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
