chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
