Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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