Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize