His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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