Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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