she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We got so high we made milksteak
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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