I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize