I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
