The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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