It's Friday. Sex?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
