Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
