I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am mentally ready for anal.
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