bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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