ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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